my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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