Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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