If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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