Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
