Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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