Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
