At least make sure they are 18
Why
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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