Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
