If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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