I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i think im in europe. pls send help
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
