I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
