I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
