Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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