i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
