I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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