woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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