I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
