So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
