Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
