im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
