This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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