loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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