When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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