Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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