Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
