When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
