Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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