Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
