Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
