My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
