there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize