And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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