if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
