There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
