I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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