I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
