I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
