it hurts more in the daytime
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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