these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
