If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize