Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
