My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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