imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
