My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
