Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your cock deserves a montage
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
