Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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