Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
