I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
