Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize