I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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