so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
