I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just gargled with NyQuil
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
