I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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