well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So vagazzling was a success
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
