there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
