i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
