Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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