Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
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New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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