I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
