Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
