I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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