Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
