Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
