we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
