I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE