im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
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French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere