Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null