he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)