I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
