kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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