You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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