I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
