Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
