dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
