dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
