I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
