There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
